I'm so tired of being alive,

I can't seem to find the strength to survive

suppressed are all my emotional fears

i still love you, after all these years

I was captivated by your resonating life

I feel caged without your love by my side

sanity has left me but I cant seem to let you go

though I know i cant have you, not anymore..

You would always read through me like an open book

Unfreeze me, from the coldness to which I'm hooked

you opened my eyes to everything, you were my sun..

conjure my spirit again, and bid my blood to run..

Bring me back to life,

arrest me, from harming myself,

bring me back to life and breathe into me..

Pretty morning. With cramps gone and sunlight pouring in from my huge window [curtains are on their way to the laundry], I call it a lovely start to the day.

I have so much shopping left to do! I still need to get some accessories. Bracelets, rings, the works, to go with my Eid outfit. I'm gonna get my shalwar kameez from the tailor today though =D Oh Great God please let there not be any weird fitting problems.
I'm thinking of doing my mehndi myself this time.

La la la la okay what? I have nothing else to write. Just bored. And i'm mad at someone. >.<

Btw, someone just tweeted a quote that says 'What you least expect is usually what you get.' Interesting. I should stop expecting. Infact I already have. From now. I am not expecting my dress to fit perfectly, and I am not expecting my hair to not throw a tantrum or go flat on Eid.
I am not expecting 'someone' to explain themselves. AND I am not expecting comments here. =P

Okay I'm out. Meri bakwass khatam nahi hogee.

Molly: I love you.
Sam: Ditto.

Molly: I love you, I really love you.
Sam: Ditto.

Sam: I love you Molly, I always have.
Molly: Ditto.

I'm Henry the 8th I am. Henry the 8th I am I am. I got married to the widow next door. She's been married seven times before.

RIP Patrick Swayze.

Sam: It's amazing Molly. The love inside, you take it with you.

Tell me my friend, did you ever see
Bananas growing on banana tree?
Well you may see seven or you may see three
But you'll never see one alone

Just count one banana, two banana
One for me and one for you banana
Count three or four or even more banana
But banana can't grow alone

Well Miss Banana, she's a pretty sight
She wear a yellow dress in the bright sunlight
She got her friends and neighbors to the left and right
Cuz banana can't grow alone

 The song is stuck in my head! Back to the good old sesame street phase. Thanks to rijawjaw aka elmo. =D
  Mum is SO CUTE. I still remember her exasperated expression when me and my brother used to annoy the crap out of her with this song =P

I'm craving banana milkshake. Which reminds me, yesterday my chachi sent over some banana pudding. It wasn't really the most scrumptuous thing ever. After going through the torture of a teaspoonful i HAD to get my banana louwe <3 back. So i made me banana milkshake. It tasted like something i cannot express in words. I marvelled at me.
I hereby declare myself the best banana milkshake maker ever. And now i'm craving it again. So yeah, its back to where i started.

Dear Diary,

I'm feeling unusually wise today. Like i should be taking care of everybody around me. Act all mommy like. But then again, i have always been that way. Its a libran trait. I still haven;t got my wisdom teeth yet though :( I'm sad.

No, not really =)

Soo, my last day at work is officially gonna come to an end in approximately one hour and 20 minutes. I really have nothing to do right now, except feel the glory of..umm freedom? of a whole week off, with nothing to do except shop shop shop, closing in on me. I can already feel it. Manama, gear up for nobia's crazy out of this world shopping spree!

Such a beautiful day. Not coz its my last day of work [well yeah that's part of it. a three quarters of it infact] but yeah, it feels goood. I'm counting the number of highlighter thingies on my desk right now for some reason. They're so colorful :D

Its so difficult to concentrate on what I'm writing with Jason Mraz on loud volume.

"Nothing's gonna stop me but divine intervention, I reckon its again my turn..to win some or learn some.."

I wanna watch this movie called 'The Time Traveler's Wife'. Hasn't come out here yet. But I can't wait, I really wanna watch it. The teaser looks nice! Another thing i can't wait for? Graduation.
But yeah like THAT's gonna happen anytime soon. Sigh. Another year to go!

"Well open up your eyes and see like me, open up your plans and damn you're free."

Another 20 and something days and it's my birthday. ONCE AGAIN. Sigh. I don't like them. I mean I used to, but they're not fun anymore. Especially when it reminds you that you need to buck up and be responsible, being an adult and yada yaddi coz you're friggn not a teenager anymore.
So how does that feel? a thwack on your face and your ears keep ringing 'twenty..twenty one..twenty two..'

I miss being 17. I know i've already said that a million zillion gazillion , um a large number of times, but I can't help it. It was the best year of my life. There were no heartbreaks, no sadness, no unwanted cliche'd drama. Just fun and frolicky nobia.

I miss that. All you seventeeners, rija, urrfa and whoever is reading this, I totally envy you. And Rija this post is definitely dedicated to you. =>

"It's your godforsaken right to be loved, loved, loved."

You're so right Jason Mraz. I totally entirely, um wholefully agree with you. Everyone has a right to be loved!

You there, you li'l 7 year old wearing rags for clothes and balancing an oversized tray of chaay ke glasses. And you, you 70 something old person living off the mercy of an old age home coz your children are jackasses with no heart.

You, li'l random newborn who's parents left you in a bin coz they just realized they could do without you, or who's daddy left your mommy after satisfying their hormonal urges. You, who's children are stubborn and spoilt and you, who's parents are too occupied to even notice your tear-soaked pillow.

You, who's oh-so depressed with life and who thinks there's nothing worth living for anymore, and you, who is sad that noone believes that a boogie monster is hiding under your bed. Cheer up, sweetheart, that green monster isn't going to get to you, ever. Promise.

"There's no need to complicate, our time is short, this is our fate.."

And you, reading my blog. Consider yourself loved. Everybody deserves a hug. Good, bad, who's the judge here?
Not me.

"So I won't hesitate, no more, no more..It cannot wait..

I'm yours.

"

I have made a vow to myself to never be depressed again. Its stupid and lame, being depressed all the time. I should be happy more often. or maybe ALL the time.and take everything on a positive note uknw?

My phupa passed away this morning. Inna lillahi wa inna illayhi raji'un. Its sad, but atleast he's at a better place. He was paralyzed for a week and now he'll suffer no more. They say its a good thing, a sort of a blessing to die in Ramzan. May Allah grant him jannat. Everyones sad, but phupa was old, it was his time and thats how much God wanted him to live.
And as the dua goes, " We are from God, and unto him is our return".

He was a great person. A sailor back in his youth, he travelled all round the world and spoke around 15 languages including some native african ones =P He was amazing, always full of joy and that's what he was well known for. I'll miss you phupa!

Soo, anyway. I am not sad. I wont be. I am not happy that he's no longer here, but I'm okay, really. 

I was listening to an old song today, save tonight by eagle eye cherry. Also the OST of A lot like love. Sigh, brought back fond memories. 

=)  Later