Feels nice to be back on my personal space. Wonder why  I quit blogging anyway. Till date, it has been the only effective remedy, a sort of happy place to my nonsensical whirlwind of a life.

So much has happened. So much to say, so much to do. Not blogging had made me feel claustrophobic. It's like I can finally breathe. What would I ever do without my words?

Its 3:22 am. I had a really bad dream. Actually, I really can't say if it's bad. It was.. strange.

So, I'm walking down the street with a cup of Starbucks coffee in one hand and a German Shepherd tagging along on my other. And it's weird because dogs bigger than the size of a tabby cat, freak me out.

Passers-by are staring at me for reasons I can't understand, just when the most adorable Chinese kid tugs on his mum's skirt and points over at me and says "Ma, why does she have blood on her shirt?" 

The mother walks up to me and gives me a hug. "It'll all be alright", she says and walks off. And I'm standing there, all alone in the middle of the street. The dog has wandered off but I still have my coffee and it tastes damn good.

I really don't know what to make of this. What does the blood even mean. And a huge dog? It's like it was guarding me from something. Like it just saved my life, did its job and trotted off. Very strange.

Anyway. Now that I've come back to this space , I finally feel better. I'm never going away.

"Joy can take care of itself, but to get the full value of grief you must have somebody to divide it with."
In this case, it's something, and it's you. Thank you, blog.

I think you can love a person too much. You put someone up on a pedestal, and all of a sudden, from that perspective, you notice what's wrong - a hair out of place, a run in a stocking, a broken bone. You spend all your time and energy making it right, and all the while, you are falling apart yourself. You don't even realize what you look like, how far you've deteriorated, because you only have eyes for someone else.

- Handle with Care, By Jodi Picoult 

2:45 am. Nobody that I love is online. Sipping on glucose, and waiting for Sehri. Perfect time for an update.

I love how the sky looks at this time. And how the only sounds I can hear are the clunks of my ceiling fan, the cars on the highway and the occasional cat purring. Beautiful.

The past few days have been nothing less than a turmoil. But right now? I can't feel a thing. It's as if my Intelligious Majoras has gone off to hibernate. Feels lovely to block out, and forget for a while.

I hate decisions. Mostly because I suck at them. Why can't somebody hand me a manual? If only I knew all the answers. Heh. 

Anyboo, life's okay for now. With the last few days of Ramzan left and Eid coming up, I can't help but flash you a smile with all the 28 teeth that I have. I had a haircut, I shopped quite a lot, and I just spoke to 3 of my best friends for more than 2 hours. Sigh. I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but I miss college.

And I know I said I hate making decisions. But, you gotta do what you gotta do.
Maybe it's true what they say, that you have to look at life through the windshield, and not the rear-view mirror.

Time for sehri =D. Be nice, love more, hate less. Oh Dee =P

Its 8 am and I'm lying awake, curled up inside my tiny blue blanket - a replacement for my insanely huge dark pink comforter which is at the dry cleaners.
I wonder why I give off unimportant information. Oh yes, maybe because I'm still groggy and can't think of anything else to write. Sorry.
But seriously, I can't wait to get my comforter back. =(

No one will ever understand what it's like.



Ever.

..Daadi ke haath ke laddoo, and aam ka achaar.

Will miss you like crazy, T.B.

- by Henry Van Dyke

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side,

spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts

for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength.

I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck

of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says, "There, she is gone"

Gone where?

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast,

hull and spar as she was when she left my side.

And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me -- not in her.

And, just at the moment when someone says, "There, she is gone,"

there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices

ready to take up the glad shout, 

"Here she comes!"

I love that you get cold when it is 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

-When Harry Met Sally.

I think that it's one of the most beautiful dialogues I have ever heard. Simply put, yet magical.

When I wake up in the morning everyday with this smile on my face, I now know the reason. I know the reason why all day, all I want to do is watch happy movies, sing and dance along to peppy music and indulge myself. I know what I've missed all along. I know the secret ingredient to not a perfect, but a very pleasant life. And that works perfect. :]

I wish I could forward to two months later. Alongwith something special taking place, I will also officially become a BBA graduate, InshAllah. I can't wait :D

I have SO much to do, btw. Cultural fest Mosaic is coming up. Looking for sponsors is no cakewalk, let alone convincing them. Exams are right after that, and so is the project submission date. There are assignments to be completed and 'n' number of presentations to be done. Freaking roller coaster I am on. But it's okay. I work better under pressure, anyway. And plus, with a daily dose of love and laughter like the past few days? It's stars and rainbows everywhere. :]

Now watching The Notebook for the 289347th time. One of the best romances ever. Gives you a lot of hope, no? :) It's like in this movie, 'Say Anything' : 

"Nobody thinks it will work, do they? No. You just described every great success story. "

A letter from Ludwig Van Beethoven to his Immortal Beloved. I just thought it was really, really beautiful.

Even in bed my ideas yearn towards you, my Immortal Beloved, here and there joyfully, then again sadly, awaiting from Fate, whether it will listen to us. I can only live, either altogether with you or not at all. Yes, I have determined to wander about for so long far away, until I can fly into your arms and call myself quite at home with you, can send my soul enveloped by yours into the realm of spirits – yes, I regret, it must be. 

You will get over it all the more as you know my faithfulness to you; never another one can own my heart, never – never! O God, why must one go away from what one loves so, and yet my life in W. as it is now is a miserable life. Your love made me the happiest and unhappiest at the same time. At my actual age I should need some continuity, sameness of life – can that exist under our circumstances? Angel, I just hear that the post goes out every day – and must close therefore, so that you get the letter at once. Be calm – love me – to-day – yesterday.

What longing in tears for you – You – my Life – my All – farewell. Oh, go on loving me – never doubt the faithfullest heart

Of your beloved

L

Ever thine.
Ever mine.
Ever ours.

I am not a perfect girl. My hair doesn't always stay in place and the occasional zit likes to burst out. I am pretty clumsy and sometimes I have a broken heart and I cry for the silliest reasons. I never know who or what to believe and I don't follow any of those cool fad diets. 

But guess what, life isn't all that bad from out here. Would you believe me if I told you that certain people choose to look past those imperfections and love you for exactly who you are? No pretense, no drama, no foundation mousse, no mascara. That's when you begin to love your life for you have found a true friend. Somebody who you can talk to until the wee hours of midnight, call them up at ungodly hours just to tell them that a lizard won't stop staring at you from outside your window.

You know what's best? I realized I have people in my life who fit exactly into that frame. Underestimated the power of love didn't I? Silly me, to even think that love exists in a singular form. What I feel right now cannot be anything else. I am happy, and I wake up every morning under the warm sun and guess what? It doesn't hurt my eyes. Life is good, and I am as happy as I could be.

God alone knows how long it'll take to leave the past right here and move on. But as of now, I can feel nothing. Though occasionally, my thoughts wander over to what I have lost and how things have changed and to what next, I know for a fact nobody can take this moment away from me. 

For as long as I have them, It doesn't matter because whatever is going to be in store for me, is going to be MUCH more than just worthwhile.

Life plays funny games, you know. First it takes away every little thing that's close to your heart and makes you helpless. Remember when all I did was lie down locked up in my room and wake up every morning to soggy eyes and a tear soaked pillow? When I had lost all faith in myself, people, and even God. When I had lost all sense of direction. 

 Well guess what, I found the golden compass.

Like I said, funny business, this life. But for once, I am not complaining =] After all, we lives in ze Republic of Chocolate!

;)

P.S: Updates will happen soon. Watch this space =D